Mr Angry of Abu Dhabi

Bloody bed wetting, limp wristed, lefty, Guardian reading, Liberal Democrat gits !

Now I’ve got that off my chest I’ll fill you in on a little detail – I’m writing this at work first thing in the morning because I fear that if I wait until I get back to the hotel this evening then I will have calmed down and will have missed the opportunity.

Out here in the desert transport is a little difficult, or expensive, or just plain impossible, so we are issued with cars that we share - there is a “designated driver” and up to 2 more people covered on the insurance.  Generally people are on the insurance of more than one car as well to provide some flexibility.  The reasons that we need cars are several fold but generally we have to get from the hotel to work, and back, in Madinat Zayed (about a 20 minute drive, and there can be up to 20 of us on some days).  There are also 5 other cities in the Western Region that some of us have to visit on a regular or semi-regular basis (the closest of these is 50km away).  We also need to get to Abu Dhabi and back, usually for admin reasons, on a semi-regular basis (at least an hour and a half away).  Add to that the need to see the bright lights of Abu Dhabi and Dubai at the weekends, as well as those that sail and dive etc. for recreational and sanity purposes and you can at least understand that grown men (and women) have a need for independent transport.

Taking responsibility for a car (as the “designated driver”) comes with some responsibilities,  for instance, if someone needs to use a car that they are on the insurance of, and you are not using it, then “it’s mine and I don’t want you to use it” isn’t either A: grown-up; B: helpful; C: “policy” or D: playing the game.

Over the past 2 months we have generally got over this aspect of the responsibility by intimidation, marginalisation and embarrassing those responsible by whispering and pointing in a very grown-up way (we have to have some hobbies after all !).

But yesterday a new issue reared it’s ugly head, and following a breakfast time discussion this morning I have got right out of my tree, thrown my toys all over the floor and decided to write to the Times to express my current dissatisfaction with certain aspects of our society.

Speeding fines are a way of life out here, especially to the Emirates, who generally have more money than sense and don’t care if they get a fine.  They are issued on a website which is your responsibility to check to see if you have any and to pay them.  They don’t bother chasing them up or taking you to court, but they do have a far more effective way of dealing with the problem of unpaid fines.  Your car has to be re-registered every year (a bit like America) where you pay your registration fee (the equivalent of our Road Fund Licence) and get a sticker which you stick on your number on your car.  You can’t complete the registration of your car unless you have insurance, their equivalent of an MOT, paid your registration fee AND have no outstanding traffic violation penalties (speeding fines) – are you with me so far ?

If you fail to register your car and continue to drive it on last years plate and get caught, they take away your car as well as your driving licence – full stop, end of story.  I’m sure that if you stump up the right amount of AED in fines, and back fines and penalties etc. and serve your ban as a punishment, then you can get your car back.  I’m equally sure that if you don’t then they will just chuck your car into a public auction and sell it to recoup the money owed.

It’s a simple and effective system which cuts down on thousands of civil service jobs (which is why it would never catch on in the UK !), keeps the speeding offences to a relative minimum (certainly amongst the expat community) and raises a sort of “enjoyment” tax from those that can afford it. 

Still with me so far ?

Anyway, with the company I work for, the policy is that, if the car incurs a traffic penalty then the rental company forwards the fine and it is deducted directly from the pay of the “designated driver” and it is then the responsibility of the DD to track down who was driving the car at the time of the fine and extract the money from them.  All sounds perfectly reasonable and straight-forwards to me…..but not the Guardian readers – they think that someone should sort it out for them and that they shouldn’t have to dirty their hands or upset anyone by having to ask them for money. 

It wasn’t their general attitude that made me angry, it was their stubborn refusal to accept any responsibility and to behave like grown men………tossers !  They then went on to deride the MD of the International Division because he refused to take their side and order some poor admin girl to sort out who should pay the fine before deducting the money from the right person.  They think the whole f’ing world is there for their benefit and anything that they don’t like, right or wrong, should be changed immediately for their benefit.

It didn’t help that they continued to try and argue a completely lost cause with me when it was utterly clear that I was 100% right and that there was no conceivable argument that would change that fact – how rude (and pointless) !

I’m glad I got that of my chest (I’m back at the hotel in the evening now) because just reading it over again makes my blood boil.  They should all be buried up to their necks in the baking desert and have their faces smeared with jam or something and left their to be eaten by camel spider – bastards !

On that note I think I had better give you a brief inventory and get on with my T’ai Chi otherwise I may be to wound up to get to sleep !

Money – same old same old !

Gym – just under an hour with Phyco out in the desert.  For whatever reason, whether it was the heat (it’s getting hotter, and progressively closer), diet (or to much diet) or the fact that I have had 8 days straight of pretty intense exercise, once again she completely humiliated me.  At one point she was stopping to do press-ups whilst I laboured on, so that she could sprint down the track to catch me up and do more press-ups !  I must be mad but I’m going circuit training with her again tomorrow – and we all know what happened last week !

Food – I had a huge rack of lamb tonight, with potatoes, gravy and veg, followed by chocolate ice cream and pecan flan – bugger the diet tonight……..I needed the carbs and the sugar.  That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it !

Weather – hot and sticky

Cigars – I don’t have many of the duty free supply, brought over by my wife, left and I am seriously considering giving up when they run out.  Trouble is, I have few enough pleasures anyway and binning another one would leave me even more miserable and grumpy than usual.  There has to be a happy medium somewhere, but I suspect it involves will power and that’s not one of my strong points…………

Alcohol – nothing again, but I have promised myself a drink on Thursday night come what may – and it can’t come quickly enough as far as I’m concerned !

Night all.